


Memoirs of a Decepticon

by Nyxxie



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Decepticon POV, Femme!Ravage, Gen, Gladiators, Overprotective Soundwave, Soundwave’s Family, character backstory, duh - Freeform, not canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22522015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxxie/pseuds/Nyxxie
Summary: Ravage is a killing machine, sure. Infamous on both sides; Soundwave’s shadow, the one one thing that sends a shiver down any recruits spinal struts.But, every monster has to start somewhere.
Relationships: Megatron & Soundwave, Ravage & Soundwave
Kudos: 16





	1. Isolated

**Author's Note:**

> I have rewritten this many times. It’s an idea I wrote and mostly fleshed out in high school, and now I wanna fix it up.  
> Mostly Prime: Verse, because when I was in high school that’s what I was into. But it’s mostly a hodge podge.

To say I like killing would be dishonest, though that is the purpose of propaganda.  
I don’t like it. I’m just good at it.  
There's a rush to killing, certainly. It’s powerful, heady. A kind of rush easy to get lost in. An old friend used to say, that you would lose yourself with every kill. Just a little piece, but that was enough to change you. Careful, Ravage, he’d tell me gently. Don't lose too much, Ravage, or one day you'll look at yourself and wonder who's looking back.  
I'm good at killing. My comrades see that when they look at me; a murderous abomination, a feral killer on a leash and even then just barely under control. If I snapped and tore a comrade open, it wouldn't be the first time. Probably wouldn't be the last. I don't care for them, or others in general really.  
\----  
I grew up in Kaon. One of the worst places on Cybertron to be born, and that’s proven in more than just numbers and statistics; it sucks the spark out of its citizens, has an aura of hoplessness.  
Soundwave was one such mech.  
He never told me much about his life before he had me. The gist though was that he was a typical Kaonian worker, hard on credits and desperate. Desperate enough to volunteer for some extremely shady experiments in order to pay rent.  
Presumably, he didn't know he was sparked. Why he was doing anything to result in that while he could barely fuel himself, I couldn't tell you, but whatever they did to him also did something to the sparkling. At least that's what he claimed. Really, how else do you explain to your firstborn how and why they're a mutation? I can hardly fault the mech.  
I was small for a sparkling, weaker. My father could cup me in both his servos when I was young, curled up and innocent. He'd been surprised at both my size and my form. I had my carriers yellow-green optics and about there is where the resemblance stops, the rest of me classified as felide. My form was quadrupedal, with a tail, pointed audials, long fang denta and claws. It was distinctive, dangerously so. While there were others like me, there were distinct lines between beastial frames and other, ‘acceptable’ frame types. The worst part was that I had a bipedal alternate, but my T-cog was fragged up and I had no choice in the matter. I was almost permanently stuck as a panther.  
One of the neighbours would watch me when my carrier went to work. A femme named Axle, who would stare at me with absolute venom. She had two sparklings of her own, who she kept away from me, and a twisted leg from her time as a gladiator. Neither of us cared much for the other; whatever reasons Axle had for watching me at all, I'm not sure of to this day. Soundwave never told me. As long as I was alive and whole by the time he returned home, my father was happy. He’d scoop me up and hold me, call me sweetspark, tell me stories and teach me things. He had a knack for technology that would help fuel us later on in life, and he loved to take it apart and show me the inner workings. He was smart, and probably would have gotten far anywhere else. Anywhere that wasn’t Kaon.  
All in all, my early days were hardly remarkable. As I grew older, though, I’d sneak away from home, leaving Axle or my father so I could explore. At first, I just watched the neighbours in our building, perched somewhere they couldn’t see. Don’t get caught, was one of my earliest lessons. And then I ventured further out, finding routes no one else would, high above the hustle and bustle of the city state.  
The lights of Kaon reflect its personality, its thirst for death and pain; dim, dark, hiding the deeds of the wicked and despairing in equal parts. I grew up around mechs and femmes who'd known nothing but the mines, the pits, and the streets.  
Hustlers, thieves, gangsters, gladiators, pimps, pleasure bots, workers so ill treated they might as well have been slaves in anything but name, addicts, delinquents, and insane mechs who spent all their time away from reality.  
Later on, this climate of poverty and social decay would lead to the rise of the radicals my father ran with, the Decepticons. But in my youth, they were just a group of slag disturbers, terrorists at most, not heavy hitters yet.  
Night was the time I felt most at ease. It was in my nature to prowl, to skulk and observe. I tended to know what happened in my neighbourhood before even my father; I knew who’d gotten crippled in the mines, who had been carted away by the Enforcers or, who was getting smacked around by their pimp. And I always knew who was ready to lash out at Iacon.  
In Kaon, Iacon and the Senate were what we blamed for our misery. I’m sure it was similar in other cities like it, though I never had any first hand experience with the world outside the slums until much later on.  
—-  
Prowling above the street on a ledge, I watched the traffic below. I kept to the shadows even more than later on in the war, mostly from fear of what would occur to me due to my default form.  
I pause, and look down at the street as someone shouted, and a scuffle broke out between a pair of mechs; the other travellers parted around them, avoiding the mechs in the street. That’s the way it was. Just ignore the trouble, and keep walking.  
I was near home, and while father probably wasn’t looking for me yet he would notice my absence soon. He knew, of course, that I snuck out. He’d tried to discourage it by locking windows and doors, asking me not to, even threatened punishment. I wasn’t fazed though. I found my way around locks and barricades easily, and father wasn’t much of a disciplinarian. Probably should have been, but he felt guilty for a lot of things in our relationship early on, and would try and make up for them.  
I was just outside our home when someone yelled. I froze, looking around.  
Two kids my age were watching me, young mechs who were vaguely familiar. They were watching me, one of them holding a ball like they’d stopped their game halfway.  
“Hey? Why are up there?” One of them asked. He was taller than his friend, rust red and black, while the shorter kid was dark yellow.  
I didn’t answer right away, frozen. I wasn’t used to being seen.  
“Isn’t that the creepers kid?” The yellow youngling asked. “The one Ma looks after?”  
Axle’s kids. I’d only seen them in passing, since the older femme was Pit-Bent on keeping her precious sparklets away from me. They were about my age, maybe a little older.  
“You’re Ravage, right?” The tall kid said. “I’m Relay, and this is my brother Kickstart.”  
Kickstart looked horrified. “Relay! Don’t talk to her! What’ll Ma say?”  
“Relax Kick. She’s just a kid.” Relay said.  
I slunk down, closer to them. I was cautious and unsure, sincce father had always instilled a lack of trust in me, but I was also curious. I was just a kid myself, and I was lonely and left mostly to entertain myself. I got closer.  
Kickstart watched me approah with huge opticks, like I was gonna bite him. Relay jst grinned.  
“Your carrier wouldn’t like you talking to me.” I told them.  
“Ma’s protective. Like your carrier. There’s bad stuff out here, but you already know that, don’t you?” Relay said.  
Before I could reply, I was suddenly picked up unceremoniously. I hadn't even heard Soundwave approach.  
I didn’t hear what he said to the mechs, I was so startled and angry. The last thing I saw was Kick dragging his brother off with a look of fear on his faceplates. Then I was back inside and facing down my fuming carrier.  
“Ravage.” He said flatly. “What were you doing out there?”  
He was so mad, I could feel it. And scared. I curled my tail around my body and looked sad. “I dunno.” I told him.  
“You can’t do that, Ravage! You can’t just go outside alone! You could get hurt, or worse!” He said.  
“I like the outside though!” I snapped. “It’s so small in here and lonely. Axle doesn’t like me, you’re never home. There’s so much out there!”  
He looked like he was going to have a short or something. He looked at me with exasperation, trying to think of something to tell me.  
In the end, I was in my room again, staring at the wall while he tried to figure out how to keep me in. Keep me safe.  
——  
I started watching Relay and Kickstart more often.  
Father should’ve been happy I wasnt going far, just perching and watching them and the other kids playing. There were only a few children in our neighbourhood; maybe six all together, which was actually more than average. Most were older than me and the mechlings, bigger kids, who played tougher and talked louder. Kick gravitated towards them but I often felt that Relay was only there to keep an optic out for his brother.  
If he noticed me, he never said anything.


	2. Stranger

Father was a gladiator. I didn’t know it at the time, but he’d fight illegally in the pits while I was at home with Axle. He’d come home dented and scarred, and Axle would just look at him tiredly. I’ve never been sure what their relationship was, but she wouldn’t say anything. Just leave us alone and go home.  
The ring was how he met Megatronus.  
At this time, the mech wasn’t the tyrant I’d known him as when I grew older. A radical, certainly and a thug at times. But he appealed to Father and it wasn’t long before they were friendly.  
I wasn’t allowed to meet him yet, but I got to see the consequences of their relationship.  
The stoic, smooth mech with the skills and the attitude everyone knows was sort of there when I was younger. But Soundwave also made questionable choices, frequently. Irresponsible choices. Like getting sparked again.  
I don’t know who he’d shacked up with, and I’ve always had the vague suspicion that the whole thing was because of Megatronus.  
I was young, lonely and bored at the time though, so when Father told me that I was going to have a little sibling I was excited. So excited. I’d seen how Relay and Kickstart interacted and I wanted that.  
And then later on, when he’d told me that it was twins, I’d been so happy. I couldn’t begin to describe it, it was like a beacon that I needed in my little world.  
Father stayed home more often while he was carrying. But surprisingly, Axle still helped him out. She was kind to him, though she still didn’t like me. She kept the disdain quieter when Soundwave was around, but it was still there.  
——  
The twins were bigger than I was as sparklets; not by much, but they were also normal looking little mechs. Like Relay and Kickstart and the ones I’d watch from the streets. Rumble and Frenzy were immediately important to me.  
They were my siblings, potential friends, helpless things in need of guidance and protection like what Axle’s kids did for each other. I wasn’t much older than them, not really. Not by Cybertronian standards. The minute I saw them though, big sister instincts went into overdrive.  
I was gonna keep them safe. No matter what.  
——  
Father was talking to someone, late one night. I heard it from our berth room, while the Twins were sleeping.  
I quietly crept out, curious.  
Father was talking to a large mech I’d never seen before. He looked like he could snap father in half, and he was sitting in our living area.  
I don’t remember what they were talking about. The larger mech was leaking energon onto the floor, while father patched him up. I do remember when Father noticed me, his expression changing. The stranger followed his gaze, and I locked optics with the mech who would one day tear my world apart.  
“Who’s this, Soundwave?”  
His voice was impressive, a booming rumble versus my father's quiet even tones.  
“My oldest. Ravage.” My Carrier said. “I’ll go put her back to bed.”  
The larger mech looked thoughtful. “Oh? You're Ravage? How nice to finally meet you.”  
I froze where I was; strangers were passing shapes on the street, best avoided at all costs. And here one was, in my home.  
Father seemed okay with it.  
And he wasn’t coming to put me away in my room. He’d hesitated, watching my reaction to the mech in my home.  
I’d be lying if I said the new mech didn’t terrify me, but I was curious. If Father was alright…  
I crept forward, watching him carefully. Warily.  
He smiled, and his denta were sharp. Like mine.  
“Has your Carrier taught you how to fight?” He asked me.  
“Magatronus.” Father growled warningly.  
The big mech said nothing else, sitting back while my father scooped me up from the floor before I could say anything, dragging me back to my berth.  
“Who is he?” I asked Father, as he set me down.  
Father paused, keeping quiet so as not to disturb the twins. He stroked my helm, sighing heavily.  
“A friend,” Said Father. I remember thinking he sounded strange. That it didn’t sound like how other mechs said ‘friend’, but I didn’t have any experience to figure out why it bothered me.  
“Why is he hurt?”  
Again, that strange pause. I’d learn later the Pause was what adults did when they were computing what lie to tell or what to omit when talking to younglings.  
“He got in a fight. I helped him get home.” Said Father. “And I need to go finish fixing him up. Goodnight, Ravage.”  
I curled up and watched him slip back out. I felt anxious though. Not because of intuition. More because of the fact that Megatronus was a stranger, in my home. My average exposure to others was by being perched up high and watching them, and I saw a lot. A lot that maybe I didn’t understand fully. But I had a good grasp on random violence, or violence in general.  
I didn’t trust this newcomer, but I also had faith in my father. He knew best.  
I didn’t see the big grey mech again for a long time.  
And when I did, we were both very different.


	3. Fight

It hurt that Axle seemed to favour the twins.  
It hurt that the twins could go out and play with the others, and Father would tell me I couldn't, with fear in his optics. The grown up fear, the protective kind that made him hold on to me a little tighter.  
In an attempt to soften the hurt a bit, when Father was home and when the twins were recharging, he’d teach me things. He taught me how to work computers and technology and how to read different glyphs. And I was good. Really good. My father was obviously happy I had a knack like he did.  
Parents like it when we follow their footsteps.  
He also decided I was old enough to start learning how to fight.  
For Soundwave, fighting was an art. My father was always a graceful mech, almost like those dancers I saw in holovids. He had to adapt a lot of his knowledge to work with my beastial frame.  
He taught me weak spots in different frame types. He showed me the natural weapons I had. My claws, my fangs, my tail.  
I was small, and I guess I still am. Father told me, they’d underestimate me because I was small.  
He’d laugh when we were done practicing, saying it would be their mistake.  
\----  
“You should come out and play.” Said Frenzy, piled with Rumble on the floor one morning. They were inseparable, welded at the hip. He looked at me with his big optics, scuffed from a fight he'd picked with one of the neighbours yesterday.  
I was watching a holovid on the battered old tablet when he asked, some political assembly in a city I’d neer been to.  
“I can’t go outside.” I told him.  
“Why?” Rumble chimed in.  
“Father says I shouldn’t” I said, hoping my tone would shut him up. I didn’t like this particular talk.  
“Relay asks about you sometimes.” Said Frenzy. “I like him better than Kickstart.”  
“Kickstarts an glitch.” Rumble agreed.  
I shot him a look. “Where did you learn that?”  
They both shrugged, grinning at me.  
“You should still come out.” Frenzy said happily. “It’d be fun!”  
His twin nodded in agreement, his expression far more serious than was needed. Rumble always did that. I rolled my optics, ignoring them with a flick of my tail and going back to what I was watching. I knew what father told me, about the outside. I wasn’t safe, wasn’t old enough.  
They gave up, after a bit. Wandered off to play outside while I watched the outside through a screen.  
\----  
A lot of my early memories are fragments. Bits and pieces of patched scrap.  
\----  
The first time I trailed anxiously behind father in a crowd. We’re on our way to meet up with a friend of his, and he’s taking me so I can get out of the apartment. He feels guilty, keeping me cooped up, so he’s decided on a field trip.  
I meet Blackout when I was quite young, and Soundwave had known him since he was young himself. The old gladiator was one of the first outsiders to be kind to me. I remember looking up at him, a tall mech, dark paint all scuffed and scarred. He was a rough mech, meaner than father but kind to me because of my age. He offered to help me with my fighting, took me under his wings and called me kid. Much like he had Soundwave, many years ago. It was nice, to hear kindness from someone other than my family.  
\----  
Father’s sparked again.  
The twins and I were excited when he told us. Another sibling! We were young, naive. Didn’t care about the hows and why’s behind a new brother or sister.  
We were just happy there was an addition.  
Soundwave smiled, but he was tired, always tired. I’d sometimes hear voices in the middle of the night, and peer out. He and Axle sat in the living room, the mean old femme looking the kindest I’d ever seen her as she and my father talked quietly. It was almost surreal. Axle never looked nice, or kind even around her own sparklets.  
“You made the choice, ‘Wave. It won’t be an easy one.” She told my carrier.  
Father nodded. “I’m aware. It wasn’t easy the first or second times. I’m, just. Now. Now, with what’s been going on. It had to be now.”  
Axle shrugged. “It happens.” She said simply.  
——  
I sit on the roof and watch the street, safe above the crowd.  
I never learn to ignore crowds. If anything, I hate them more now. They’re unpredictable, good for me to hide in but also good for enemies to hide in too. Prone to chaos, unpredictable.  
I enjoy watching them though. Aloof, and above the danger.  
I go to the other edge quickly, to check on the twins and their friends. They’re playing some sort of ball game, tossing it back and forth. They’re a rowdy bunch, and I recognize a few of them.  
Relay is down there. His brother probably isn’t far. But I don’t like Kickstart. I didn’t like him the first time I met him and I didn’t like the stories Rumble and Frenzy told about Kick. He was a troublemaker, and Relay was frequently cleaning up his messes.  
I almost don’t see him look up. I’m too busy looking at Rumble picking a fight with a scrappy mechling I’ve seen a few times.  
Then I glance back and Relay’s looking up towards me. His dark red and black paint is hard to make out against the ground. I see him wave tentatively at me, before I draw back and hide.  
I run back home, creep inside and settle into my berth. I’m not usually spotted. Never waved at.  
I don’t like it, so I hide.  
——  
Laserbeak is healthy. Avian, and small, smaller than me. But healthy. Where the twins are rough and tumble, my sister is fast and clever.  
Like me, she prefers observation. And like me, Father is deathly afraid of her going outside.  
But, now I have friendly company when the twins are out and fathers gone. It’s comforting.  
——  
I hear yelling when I’m on the roof one day.  
Not unusual, but this stood out. My audials perked and I went to look down, and saw Relay and Kickstart and a few of the other mechlings facing off against a group of bigger kids.  
They’re older and larger. I watch, when Relay gets between one of them and his brother. I watch the bigger mechling punch him, and my neighbour goes down.  
I shouldn’t get involved. The twins aren’t down there.  
An adult will interfere.  
And then the slag licker kicks Relay and suddenly all of the outsiders are on him.  
I don’t remember how I got down there. All I know is that Blackout and my carrier’s lessons are in effect.  
I’m not lethal. Not by any means. I get scuffed and dented by the bigger kids.But I do get some damage in and they back up, staring at me while I keep between them and the prone mech on the ground. I’m snarling select terms I’ve picked up from Blackout and the twins, stuff that Soundwave would scold me for using.  
I watch the younglings retreat, while I hear someone shouting.  
Fathers there and he’s dragging me away, and Axle’s also there, picking up her sparkling. Relay hasn’t moved, but his optics are open and he’s looking at me while his Carrier picks him up.  
The other kids are also staring at me, some with awe and some with fear. A few with anger.  
I can hear Soundwave berating me; Father’s scared and I can feel it. I don’t hear the words exactly, I’m still angry and all I hear are my systems.  
I catch my name a few times. Ravage, what were you thinking? That kind of thing. I take the fussing and the check up and the fear filled anger until he lets me go.  
I curl up in the berth room, joined by my siblings.  
All four of us end up in a pile on my berth, snuggled together. Frenzy and Rumble are talking about how I kicked aft. Tiny Laserbeak nestles into my side, not sure what happened. All she knows is that Father and I are upset.  
Father stays outside, talking to someone quietly. I don’t care who.  
——  
I apologize to Soundwave later. He hugs me, and says he’s relieved that I’m here and safe.  
“You can’t do that to me, Ravage.” He says softly.  
I nod. Whisper sorry.  
——  
“Wave says you got in your first fight.”  
Father’s brought me to visit Blackout. They were talking, off to together earlier while I sat and watched a pit fight on Blackout’s holoscreen. He always had either that, or something about the senate on it. He liked to watch politics, or as he liked to call it the upper castes version of pit fights.  
I looked up at the larger mech. “Yeah.” I said carefully.  
“Good. You use what I showed you?” He asked.  
“A little, I think.” I told him carefully. “It was hard to think.”  
He chuckled. “It can be. You got out in one piece though, kid. That’s good. And the mechling? Axle’s sparklet, right?”  
I nodded. “He’s alright. I think.”  
“Good.” Said Blackout. “You did well, Ravage. Scared the light outta your Carrier, but he’ll get over it. Always was a bit anxious when it came to you sparklets.”  
He sighed. “You did well, kid. Now, the Pit are you watching?”  
——  
I snuck out early in the day, half to crowd watch and half to keep an eye on the Twins.  
Father had tried keeping them in, but Rumble and Frenzy weren’t usual eager to listen to him. Their rebellious streak started early and kept going, and it drove Soundwave crazy.  
I sat near the ledge of the apartments, the corner over the streets and the yard. Where I’d seen the fight.  
There was a door near the beach of the roof, a maintenance hatch. I used it sometimes to sneak up there. It was never opened when I was up there.  
I heard it open, and whirled around to see the familiar rust and black paint of Relay. His optics lit up when he saw me, and he smiled.  
“Hey Ravage. Frenz said you’d be up here.” He said.  
“Uh. Hi.” I said. I hadn’t really seen or spoken to him since the day I’d snuck out. And that was a long time ago. I stared at him, trying to figure out his game.  
Relay walked over to where I was sitting, crouching down beside me. He looked down, taking in the layers of streets and city around us.  
“This is what you do all day? Sit up here, and watch?”  
“Mostly.” I said. “Why?”  
“Seems boring.” He said, shrugging. He was quiet a bit, and I almost ignored him.  
“I wanted to say thank you.” Relay said at last. “For helping me. That fight would have gone way worse if you hadn’t come.”  
“Glad I helped then.” I said, audial twitching. “What did they want?”  
Relay peered over the edge again, this time towards the yard. “They were after one of Kick’s friends. Dunno why.”  
My tail twitched anxiously. I didn’t talk like this often. Mostly to my siblings, Carrier, and Blackout. Never someone my age. “Glad I helped.” I repeated.  
We sat in silence a bit, sort of watching the world go by.  
“What do you want, Relay?” I asked, finally.  
“You should come down. Join us. We don’t do much but it’s better than sitting up here alone all day.” He said.  
“No.” I told him. I curled my pedes up beneath my chassis, made myself smaller. “I’m fine.”  
“Okay.” He said.  
He just kind of sat there for a while. Both of us did. It became a little easier to pretend he wasn’t there, until we heard Axle calling downstairs.  
He must have seen the way I reacted, but he didn’t say anything. Just stood up, and smiled.  
“See you later, Ravage.”  
I ignored him, pointedly. Felt relief when I heard that door again.


End file.
